BoneCraft

First off,I have to say that I have purchased this game twice. The first time I could only get to the second level (the fight against the orcs) and then the game would shut down. I thought I had a faulty copy,so I bought another. I took off the original copy from my computer and downloaded the second game. This time,it will only load halfway,then I will get an error message and the install process stops.In addition,there is no hotline that you can call to talk with people for trouble shooting.The online “help site” is just a forum run by consumers of the game to try and help eachother out. It is run by a single administrator who is a represenitive of D-Dub software.

Nine out of ten when you play this game or even try to run it,you will encounter trouble shooting and bugs. I think it’s great that D-Dub offers this time of genre for video/computer games;but if they are trying to mainstream these titles to Sony,Microsoft (which they are) they need to back their product in a much more professional way. To a certain degree,I felt like D-Dub had the mentality of “I’ve got your money,now you figure it out.”

Technical aspects aside,I will say that what I have played was very well done. In fact,I would go so far as to say that if this was not an adult game;it would still be fun and enjoyable. The fighting/movement mechanics are easy to use and collecting money,weapons and power ups from “dead bad guys,”is like playing any other classic brawler with rpg elements. As I stated in the header for this review,D-Dub made some much needed improvements from BoneTown:

1.)You no longer drop your weapon when you are hit! I HATED that aspect of taking one hit and then trying to look all over to find my weapon.With BoneCraft,you can get pummeled and the “hero” always manages to keep his flamethrower,laser gun,gernade etc. Yes,weapons in BC are much more violent/hi-tech than in BT. This is a good thing mind… Also in BT,if you were knocked out (lost the game) your level dropped all the way to 1. This does not occur in BC. You can also choose difficulty setting in BC and it is much more forgiving than BT.

2.)The dialouge is much more tolerable than it was in BT. After I heard the dialouge from “Uzi” in BT,I really just felt like turning the game off. No,I’m not against explicit dialouge (I’m playing an adult game after all)but what I don’t like is when it feels forced AKA being explicit just for the sake of being explict. True,the opening scene starts out that way,but there are some well written lines and funny jokes…not just “Look at me I’m using the F word over and over.” Here are two examples of some funny dialouge in BC:

Crew member who sounds like George W. Bush: “People keep telling me that I might have a tumor.”

Crew member who sounds like Arnold Schwartzenegr: “IT’S NOT A TUMOR!!!!” (reference Kindergarten Cop)

Crew member who sounds like Dr.Spock “Captain,our hyrogentic stablizers can no longer withstand the flux perimeter of —sci-fi jargon”

Captain: “Now you know I don’t speak your g*d**mn language!”

3.)As shallow as this may sound,there are no more “fatties.” In BT you had to have sex with numerous morbidly obese women before your “level” was high enough to have sex with the babes. In BC you pretty much have the cream of the crop. Starting with the sex-bot on your ship. You can also use the money you get from beating up bad guys to unlock new positions with said bot. Yes,I’m fully aware of the words coming out of my mouth right now,but all of this is pretty cool.

To my knowledge there are no real life adult stars who do voice overs in this game. I’m not really complaining as the contribution of Ron Jeremy didn’t do anything to impress me. Consequently to have one of the highest “levels” in BT you had to become him…. Does anyone REALLY think that highly of him?? Since the majority of players of this type of game are going to be male,why not oh I don’t know… hire an adult ACTRESS? (Jesse Jane,Jenna Jameson,Brianna Banks,Stormy Daniels etc etc etc.) I believe that even women who are into porn would’nt consider Jeremy their ideal choice…

From what I’ve played,I think the game is great. If D-Dub can keep improving the quality of their games and increase the number of represenitives for technical support;I think that adult themed games might just easily make it to home consoles in 5-10 years.

The game is ok however, product discription does not state the fact that in order to play this CD that you purchased, you have to have the computer online to get the Unlock Code, and for which my computer is not online I had to get on someone else’s computer to try to get the Unlock Code manually. I had to write the Unlock Requestcode and the Serial number and then enter them manually in order to get the Unlock Code and then write that down and then put it on my computer in order to play the game. Which is a lot of work to buy the CD, then write and then to just be able to play. I was just upset that I had to go to all that work to be able to play a computer game that is only for computer games!!!

If you’re a fan of Leisuresuit Larry up to “Love for Sail” and also enjoy the 3rd person aspect of GTA… BoneCraft & Bonetown is for you. The maps, AI interactions, weapon choices, drugs, and gratuitous sex are all here and it IS good! Just make sure you download all the patches to avoid past bugs. There are various celebrity cameos in both games… of fictional and non fiction nature… Ron Jeremy is in “Bonetown” and they have an arnold schwarzenegger satire in there…

Anyway… GTA meets leisuresuit larry kinda sums it up… except I don’t believe you get to drive or fly any vehicles but you can skeet all over female archetypes all over the maps.